


Les Mis limericks

by thenewbuzwuzz



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Limericks, Multi, Poetry, what is wrong with Javert?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewbuzwuzz/pseuds/thenewbuzwuzz
Summary: Character limericks that I write while reading "Les Mis" in English translation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Currently they only cover volume I "Fantine", and I haven't included everyone or even everyone important. The one about the bishop was written before Jean showed up.  
> \-----  
> Update: there's slightly more than (fragmentary) volume I now. The characters are all in the tags. Chapter 1: Bishop Myriel, Baptistine Myriel, Madame Magloire, Félix Tholomyès, Madame Victurnien, Javert, Favorite, Jean Valjean, Fantine, the little white horse, Champmathieu.

There once was a bishop Myriel.  
From palace he moved to a cell.  
He gave to the poor  
his wages and more,  
but silverware? What the hell?

Mademoiselle Baptistine -  
translucent, her soul was so clean -  
once had a thought,  
but it was for naught:  
speaking out wouldn't be feminine.

There once was a Mrs. Maiglore  
surrounded by damn Gryffindors.  
"You like alms - I'm aware,  
but we COULD use more chairs  
and a lock on the frickfracking door."

A girl was once called Favorite.  
Reluctant and sad hypocrite,  
she hated a dude,  
but ran short of food  
and flattered him lickety-split.

A man-child, by name Tholomyès,  
deceived a girl into a yes.  
If she'd known he'd go,  
she'd have said tholom no;  
he'd be left with his hand to impress.

In the gossip Madame Victurnien,  
our world lost an Auguste Dupin.  
She could have fought crime  
and had a great time,  
in a book written by Agatha.

There once was a cop called Javert  
who thought the law can’t be unfair.  
Say, was the man dense  
or just really tense,  
in need of some t. loving care?

There was an ex-convict named Jean  
who hid from some things he had done.  
Someone else got accused,  
and Jean mused and he mused:  
do the right thing, and bye-bye to fun.

My favorite little white horse  
can pull things with marvelous force.  
Just give him his oats,  
and then, messier, totes,  
he’ll go all the way to death’s doors!

The defense of so-called Champmathieu  
was pathetic, although not untrue.  
“But I am not Jean!  
I’ve never been Jean!”:  
this rhetoric, not hard to outdo.

There was a young seamstress Fantine  
with hair of a fairy-tale queen.  
Disgrace ate her whole,  
hair, teeth, bones and all,  
‘cause having a baby? Obscene!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watch me try to rhyme things with Grantaire, Pontmercy, Fauchelevent, Louison, and Enjolras (and NOT try with Laigle).

A most sceptical student Grantaire  
drank with dreamers, to dream didn’t dare.  
He remained full of doubt,  
but he *was* sure about  
needing Enjolras like you need air.

***

A cinnamon roll Pontmercy  
loved flowers and often hugged trees.  
He resolved his son’s life  
would be rich, free of strife,  
but Marius said, “Non merci!”

***

There was a law student called Laigle  
or Meaux (de), Bossuet, and/or Lesgle.  
His names will be missed.  
They’re all off the list:  
no longer a student is Laigle.

***

The gardener, old Fauchelevent,  
played dumb with a skill that strikes awe,  
nailed a friend in a casket,  
stuffed a kid in a basket,  
and saved them, because sod the law.

***

While working, the dishwasher Louison  
walks through the back room of Café Musain.  
These boys talk gods, nations,  
and decapitations:  
the Lord only knows what that crew is on!

***

There was once a pure creature named Enjolras,  
one that didn’t want mistress or Ma or Pa.  
Old Jean-Jacques was his pal,  
native country his gal…  
was he born out of sunlight like Amon-Ra?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback makes the world go round.  
> And I would take requests, just saying. I wouldn't necessarily fill them, but I would take them with glee.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courfeyrac, Gillenormand, Gavroche, Jehan Prouvaire, Feuilly, Bahorel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these are a bit slandery. For instance, I suppose Courfeyrac only seems VERY interested in girls while he's being contrasted with Marius. Bahorel wanted people to stay out of his egg-eating decisions, but it's not exactly that eggs were forbidden. Gillenormand... well. Being old isn't a bad thing, but the rest is.

There was a young man Courfeyrac,  
whose name, you may note, rhymes with f**k.  
Coincidence? No!  
As interests go,  
his mind fairly lived in the muck.

***

There was an old geezer called Gillenormand,  
and many have wanted to hit the mofo.  
He thought people were minions,  
and his vocal opinions  
belonged way BEFORE… (beat)… or WITH the dodo.

***

An intrepid young sparrow Gavroche  
found a penny; look, now he had dosh!  
Found some kids - they could bunk  
in the beast with a trunk.  
Found a baker. “Now bring the good nosh!”

***

Jehan, well-read poet Prouvaire,  
the one with the flowerful hair –  
he loves everyone,  
with clouds he has fun  
and wears what he fancies to wear.

**"

A poor maker of fans called Feuilly  
rants on topics from Poland to Greece.  
He got education  
to save all the nations,  
fix the world just the way it should be.

***

A loud, dapper young man Bahorel  
will not eat what the Church deigns to tell.  
On eggs he’s hell bent,  
he scoffs at your Lent,  
doesn’t care if he’s going to Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big fan of feedback, not averse to character requests, have a nice day!


End file.
